An Old Betrayal
by majorslashsquad
Summary: This is darker than my other stuff. When Mike is forced to face his past again, will Bobby be able to pick up the pieces? The rating is to be safe. Warning: Slash and references to past and present child abuse. It's rated M for a reason.
1. Not You

A/N: I've been thinking about doing a piece like this for a while now, but I didn't know how to go about it as it's kind of a touchy subject. (I'm Catholic myself.) So, here goes nothing. There will be Mike/Bobby in later chapters, and there is going to be a case in later chapters involving you guessed it….child abuse.

Disclaimer: Don't own law and order or characters, and I am not making money off of this. That is what my job is for.

Mike Logan sat in a small bar close to his apartment sipping his glass of scotch. It had been a long week, and he was looking forward to a couple of days off. Of, course he was grateful to no longer be on Stanton Island, but all the same the time off was nice, especially since he would be able to spend the time off in question with a certain Bobby Goren.

"Where is he, anyway?" Mike thought to himself, slightly annoyed. "He should have been there about a half an hour ago." He merely shrugged mentally and continued to drink his scotch. "Now, that is an interesting guy," he silently mused. "Those hand movements of his are almost hypnotic. I wonder if he's that expressive in bed. No!" He shook his head quickly to stop those kinds of thoughts. Ideas like those could get him into trouble, and he could not afford to lose what he had going for him in major case. Besides, he wasn't attracted to people of his own gender. At least that's what he told himself.

A Few minutes passed and he was beginning to think about calling Bobby, when he suddenly felt like he was being watched. He slowly turned around, and saw a face he never wanted to see again. Joseph Krolinsky sat in a booth not far from the bar watching him. He looks thinner than Mike remembers him last, and he is definitely paler, but his face is one that Mike would know anywhere. He still haunts his dreams from time to time. There is a distant look of remorse on the older man's face, but when he realized he was spotted, he quickly got up, and went straight for the door.

Mike was stunned for a moment, but that was quickly replaced by anger as he found himself following the former priest into the street. He easily cornered Krolinsky , who suddenly became panic stricken.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Mike asked in a voice implying that he had better get an answer, or else.

"I-I was placed on parole," the elderly man managed to stutter. "The prisons are full, and I got good behavior."

Mike looked at the man with disgust and loathing."You sick son of a-"

"Mike, please!" Krolinsky begged. He looked to be near tears. "I have made many mistakes in my life, and I wish I could take them back! I had, no have a sickness. It has never gone away."

"It never will."

"Don't you know how much that pains me?" Kriolinsky whispered."I will always be ashamed of what I did to you. Oh, Mike, you were such a sweet boy."

"How dare you?" Mike almost shouted, causing the older man to jump."The only thing you saw was an easy target! You had to have seen the bruises my mother had given me when you-" he couldn't finish the sentence for fear of getting sick."There I was, the poor little altar boy who had no one else to go to. I might as well have had a target on my ass! My God, you're sick." The last statement was almost to himself than to the priest.

Krolinsky gathered himself slightly."What about you, Mike?" he asked softly. "What about you're little…illness?"

Mike's eyes narrowed dangerously. "What are you talking about?"

"I've seen you with another man here. I see the way you stare at him when he's not looking." He gazed at Mike intently. "I think you recall that's a sin as well?"

"I think you've gone fucking senile," Mike shot back. He was beginning to lose what was left of his temper.

Krolinsky's expression darkened considerably. "I've been out of prison for a month now. I have avoided children at all costs. It's too much of a temptation. I realize that now. I haven't seen my children in years."

"What a tragedy," Mike sneered.

"So leave me alone!" Krolinsky muttered. "I am a threat to no one. And make sure you don't do anything you regret as well." With that he walked off into a crowd of people and disappeared. Mike watched him go with growing anger. "I'll have to pay a little visit to Mckoy," he thought darkly.

End Chapter 1. Alright, guys. Feedback is critical at this point in the story. Should I go on, or should I not bother? All suggestions will be taken into consideration, just no flames, for the love of God.


	2. The Case

A/N: This is dedicated to those who reviewed thus far. I have decided to keep going with this, and I hope you all like it.

Disclaimer: See chapter one.

So…on with the show…

Bobby Goren sat at his desk in the bullpen of the Major Case Squad doing paper work. At least that's what he was trying to do. In reality, his mind was far from the endless forms he had in front of him at that very moment. The subject of his thoughts was currently being called to the scene of a shooting in Queens with his partner.

"There is something definitely wrong with Mike," he thought to himself, getting worried. "Ever since three nights ago at the bar…"

That was where it all seemed to start. He had made it to the bar about 45 minutes late because of a case, and he found the other detective well on his way to getting smashed and extremely upset. When he had asked Mike what was wrong, he merely shook his head and seemed to brighten up a little. It bothered Bobby, though. What was he hiding? His train of thought was stopped abruptly when Captain Deakins walked up to his desk.

"Goren, I want you and Eames to go to the crime scene and assist Logan and Barek on this case."

"Sure, Captain," Goren replied.

The scene was not a pretty one. The man that had been killed had at least 5 bullets in his stomach, and those were the entry wounds Bobby could count. It looked like he was in his late thirties at most, but what struck Bobby as strange was that the man seemed to be-

"A priest," Mike was saying as he examined the body closely. "And whoever did this was pissed. There are five entry wounds in the abdomen," he rolled the body on its side." Two in the shoulder, and, yeah, one in his neck. That's most likely the one that killed him."

"I wonder what a priest could have done to make someone do that to him," Eames wondered out loud."

"Yeah, I wonder," Mike mumbled under his breath, ignoring the questioning look he was receiving from Bobby. After a couple minutes of searching, he found the man's wallet. "His name was Father Adam Black. Why does that name sound familiar?"

"He was pushing to make the church more aggressive in cracking down on pedophiles," Alex said after a moment of thinking. "Maybe someone wasn't as enthusiastic as he was."

End Chapter 2...Please review.


	3. Getting Started

A/N: Thank you, TartanMae, for that review. I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to go on with this piece, but if at least a few people are enjoying it, I am happy to go on. So this chapter is dedicated to you and everyone else that are reading this. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: See chapter one.

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The four detectives went to Saint Luke's Church where Father Black was pastor. Upon arriving, they were led to a small office where a secretary was sitting at a small desk. She was a small, thin woman with red hair and a pale complexion. She was clearly concerned.

"Excuse me, Ms…" Mike Started.

"Walters…Julie Walters," the woman answered.

"I am detective Goren. These are detectives Eames, Barek, and Logan." He motioned to the others who nodded in greeting." We are here about Father Black," Bobby stated calmly.

"Is he alright? He didn't come to say noon mass, so we started to get worried."

"Unfortunately, Ms. Walters, he was found murdered this afternoon," Alex replied gently. "We are very sorry."

Ms. Walters turned even paler and started to shake. "My God, she whispered, crossing herself. "Why would anyone…he was a good man!"

"We think it might be connected to his work involving pedophile priests," Mike said, and Bobby couldn't help but notice the way he grimaced when he mentioned the subject of pedophiles. His mind started to work double time.

"He was quite passionate about the subject," Ms. Walters commented darkly."It's an extremely regrettable reality that the church has to face. Those poor children." She looked down and took a deep breath before continuing." He did mention he was going to interview men that were forced to resign. He wanted to get a better idea of what was causing the men to…" again, she shuddered slightly. "Ah, here we are. Yesterday, he was going to interview Joshua Simon and Philip Smith. Today at ten he was going to talk to a…Joseph Krolinsky."

Mike visibly winced as if she had screamed the name. "If you could give us the addresses of these men, it would be greatly appreciated."

After receiving the information, they thanked Ms. Walters and left to find the potential suspects. Mike was lost in thought as Caroline drove them to interview Father Simon. "Why did you have to be involved in this, you bastard?"He thought bitterly. "Just when I thought I had gotten rid of you for good, you come back like a damn cockroach." His face darkened further when he remembered the conversation he had with one Jack Mckoy the day before.

_"Logan, to what do I owe the pleasure of this little visit." Jack leaned back in his chair smiling at Mike as he walked into his office. _

_Mike cut straight to the chase. "When were you going to tell me they let that son of a bitch out? Huh?" He ground out. "_

_Jack was taken aback by the sudden question. "How did you find out?" He asked._

_"I had the luck of running into him a couple nights ago. Good behavior, is that some sort of sick joke?"_

_"There was nothing I could do, Mike," Jack replied shaking his head. "He found a sympathetic ear with the parole board talking about how he was an old man that could no longer be a threat to society. We tried to contact as many victims as possible."_

_"And my name just was skipped?" Mike shot back. "You knew what that slime did to me, Jack! Do you have any idea what it was like to see him in public without warning? Jesus!"_

_Jack pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath." I'm sorry, Mike. I really am sorry, but there is nothing I can do."_

"We're here," Mike heard Caroline say. He sighed inwardly as he stepped out of the car. This was going to be a long case.

End Chapter 3

A/N: So we got to see what was said between Mike and Jack, and we have not seen the last of Father Krolinsky. Will Mike get out of this in one piece? Will Bobby put two and two together? Is Krolinsky behind this murder? And what are Barek and Eames thinking? All this and more in later chapters.


	4. Explainations

A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates, but some stuff came up, and it just wasn't happening. That and my Logan Muse has decided to be a bitch. What can I say? It happens. Anyway, I hope I don't disappoint.

After talking to both Simon and Smith, it became apparent that neither man had anything to do with the Murder of Andrew Black. Krolinsky could not be reached, and Bobby couldn't help noticing that Mike seemed relieved at this. He had come to like the other man, both as a detective and as a friend. So, it bothered him to see Mike so upset by this case.

That was what led him to be sitting in front of the computers at One Police Plaza. After entering Krolinsky's name into the system, it showed that he was convicted on 19 counts of child molestation. His son was included in the names. Then he saw what had confirmed his suspicions. Mike Logan was named as one of the victims on the case. He was also called to testify that a close friend was recruiting boys for the priest. "Oh, Mike," Bobby thought sadly." Why didn't you tell me?"

He had never been sure about Mike from the beginning. When he had first met the other man when he was ranting about how he had talked to his now ex-girlfriend, he saw a detective with some anger management issues and nothing more. After working with him for a while, however, he realized that he was just passionate about what he did and that he really cared about the people he served and protected. And now as he caught a glimpse into a childhood that was less than innocent and carefree, he saw the reason behind the look of barely hidden loathing he gave to the pedophile ex-priests he spoke to.

"It makes sense," he thought to himself." God, Mike this must be killing you. I wish I could help you. I hate to see you like this." He shook his head. He knew he couldn't be the one to take Mike's pain. Wishing he could hold him in his arms wasn't going to change the fact that the relationship wasn't going to change. With a resigned sigh he made his mind go back to reality.

"Eames," he called to his partner." Come take a look with this."

Alex read over the file. "Oh, God, do you think we should talk to him about this?"

"It's probably a good idea, but let me talk to him, alright?"

Alex nodded and looked over her shoulder. "Well he's heading this way, now. Should I give you two some privacy?"

"Yeah, that would be good."

"Alright, just keep me posted." And she walked off towards the vending machines.

CICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICI

Mike walked into the computer room only vaguely noticing that Bobby was the only other person there. "Hey, where's Eames? I thought we were going to talk about what we were going to do next."

"Have a seat, Mike," Bobby said quietly.

Mike looked confused but sat down across from Bobby. "What's going on, Goren?"

"You knew Joseph Krolinsky." It wasn't a question.

Mike closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose."Yes, I knew him. We can't prove that he has anything to do with this investigation. Anyway, you and Eames can talk to him, so what's the problem?"

"Well, you know that if he is a part of this somehow, you'll have to withdraw from the case."

"Of course I do! I'd eat my own gun before I would have to sit in the same room with the bastard."

Bobby looked extremely concerned at this. "Calm down, you won't have to. I just wanted to say if you want to talk about it, I'm here."

"There's nothing to talk about. So what are we going to do, now?"

Bobby studied the other man intently for a moment, and when he seemed satisfied with what he saw or didn't see, he went on. "I'll go talk to Krolinsky while you and Barek can go talk to people he was working on this. It's possible that they received threats and didn't report anything. There is a memorial service for Black at noon today at St. Luke's. I guess Father Black wanted a private funeral just for the family."

Mike nodded and went to get Barek. They had gotten a hold of a list of people he had been working with including three priests and four members from his parish. On the way there he found himself lost in thought. (Barek, of course was driving. It was just a good idea, anyway.) "Why does Goren affect me like that?" he asked himself silently. "When he looks at me like he did, it feels like he's trying to read my thoughts. What the hell is wrong with me?"

As Mike and Caroline entered the church, the service ended, and as everyone proceeded to the hall for coffee and cake there was one person that stuck out in the group.

"Oh, God, not you," Mike whispered.


	5. The Devil: Round Two

A/N: Alright, superfelix, you got me. I was hoping no one would notice. Mike's case was put under wraps. However, I felt it was necessary in this case, as Mike still isn't sure how he feels about Bobby. Mike has some trust issues at this point, so he is going to need a push in the right direction. Also, it has come to my attention that people who are not normally slashers are looking forward to updates. To this, I say AWESOME. Thanks for the feedback, and I am more than happy to bring poor Mike Logan some closure. Thank you, and please enjoy the story.

It was Krolinsky sitting in the last pew of the church. He looked up as he heard Mike's voice and his face was white in mere seconds. "Mike, what are you doing here?"

"I'm investigating the murder of Father Adam Black. What exactly are you doing here?" Mike was getting really sick of seeing Krolinsky.

"I am here to offer moral support to a friend of mine," Krolinsky answered with hint of resentment. I'd like to introduce you to Father Aaron Michaels. He has come to me for advice over the past few months. He was also a dear friend of Father Black. "

Michaels stood up and nodded in Mike's direction stiffly."It's nice to meet you, Detective," he said. "Mr. Krolinsnky has mentioned you a few times."

"Has he, now?" Mike asked in a falsely polite tone that caused the younger man to flinch.

"Y-yes, he has been a good friend. Father Adam's death has been difficult," the younger priest stuttered slightly and seemed to shrink under Mike's gaze.

Barek stood back and watched the exchange with growing confusion. "What the hell is going on?" she thought to herself. Before she could ask her partner what the problem was, the doors of the church opened again, and Bobby and Alex walked in. The expression on their faces turned from blank to deeply concerned when they saw who else was there.

"Joseph Krolinsky," Bobby said quietly, raising an eyebrow."I'm Detective Goren, and this is my partner detective Eames. We are here to speak to the people that worked with Father Black."

"Well, Detective," Krolinsky said, eyeing Bobby coldly." I never worked with him. I was just here to console a friend of mine."

Barek gave Alex a confused look. She was completely lost at this point, and no one seemed to want to let her in on what was going on. It was getting rather frustrating. Alex, however just shook her head. There were some things that were better left unsaid, at least for now.

"Well," Bobby said, turning his head to Father Michaels." We actually came to speak with you. Aaron Michaels?"

"Yes, sir?"

"While speaking to the maid that cleans Mr. Krolinsky's house, she mentioned a letter that you wrote to the diocese urging them to stop the investigations involving child abuse by the clergy."

"I wasn't saying to stop the investigation entirely," Michaels corrected."I was suggesting a different strategy. The way that they wanted to do it was nothing more than a witch hunt."

"All the same, Father, I would like to speak to you at the station," Bobby replied calmly. "I would also like you to come along as well." He looked at Krolinsky.

"Very well, Detective." Krolinsky replied. "Come on, Aaron." The two men followed Bobby and Alex out of the church.

Mike glared at the doors for a long moment before turning to his partner. Come on, let's go interview these people and get out of here."

"Not a big fan of churches, are we?" Caroline replied.

"You can say that," Mike muttered.

After talking to a few of the members of Father Black's group they began to talk to a lady named Ellen Thompson. "Are you taking in Aaron Michaels for questioning?" she asked.

"Yes, we are, Ms. Thompson, why do you ask?" Caroline asked.

Ellen looked around her to see if anyone was listening. "I think he might have been hurting a young boy from the church," she whispered.

Mike tensed slightly. "What makes you say that?" he asked, trying hard to keep his voice steady.

"Sean, that's his name, has been very quiet lately, and he's been avoiding Aaron as much as possible. I didn't think much of it until a couple of days ago when he asked to speak to Father Adam in private. They talked for about fifteen minutes, and when they came out of the office, Father Adam looked furious."

"I'm going to have to speak to Sean to confirm this," Mike said calmly.

After getting the information they needed, they called Deakins to update him on the situation. After Caroline hung up the phone she turned to her partner. "He says we should talk to the kid, and get back to him as soon as possible," she said.

"Alright, let's head out," Mike said. He began to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to do.

A/N: Well, there you have it, folks another chapter. The next couple chapters have been tough for me to write, so please hang in there. I would like to remind you that there are descriptions of child abuse in this story. I am keeping them as brief as possible, as they take a lot out of me, but they are 

important to the story, so there you are. Feedback is as always greatly appreciated.


	6. Confession and Grief

A/N: Alright, here is when things really get interesting. Just for a quick recap, we have Mike and Caroline interviewing Sean, and we have Bobby and Alex interviewing Father Michaels at 1PP. I have decided to jump between interviews, so to avoid too much confusion: _italicized script is Krolinsky/Michaels and _**bold script is Sean**. So, here we go.

Warning: This is the chapter where all the child abuse references will be made. If you are not comfortable with this, I would suggest that you not read it and skip to the next chapter. After extensively thinking this over I decided to include this as it leads up to the emotional and mental states of both Bobby and Mike, but all the same, read with caution.

Eleven year old Sean Peters sat in the living room next to his concerned mother staring at Mike and Caroline blankly. It was clear that he had been crying.

Some ways away at One PP Father Michaels stared at Bobby and Alex with a look of defiance. So the interviews began.

**"So, tell me about Father Michaels, Sean. Do you spend a lot of time with him?"**

**"Yeah, I guess so."**

_"Ah, yes Sean Peters. He's a very bright young boy. I tutor him in math from time to time. It's not his strongest subjects, you understand."_

_"So, you help him out, that's nice of you."_

**"It must be nice to have someone to help you with school. I remember math class back when I was your age. It was tough."**

**"Yeah, it's kind of hard, I guess."**

**"So what's the problem?**

**A small pause."Well, it started," Another longer pause.**

**"Take you're time."**

**"It was a couple of months ago. I went to his office, and we went over some things, real basic algebra, I think. Then, he asked me to sit next to him."**

_"How often did you tutor Sean?"_

_"Oh, a couple days a week, he would walk over, and if I wasn't too busy, I would help him."_

_"Well, I think you should know that a detective is talking to him right now. What do you think he is going to say?"_

_Silence, and then," What are you suggesting, detective?"_

_"Oh, nothing, Father. What makes you think-"_

_"The boy is a liar!"_

_"What makes you say that?"_

_"He is not emotionally all there. His father is an alcoholic, and is extremely abusive..."_

_"Anything for attention, right?"_

_"Yes, unfortunately."_

**"Does he really have to go through this?"**

**"I'm truly sorry, Ma'am, but this is crucial, if we are going to get this guy put away. Now, Sean, I know that this is hard for you, and you are doing a great job. I just need you to be strong a little longer, and it will all be over."**

**A few deep breaths. "O.K. He had me sit next to him, and started talking to me. He said I was a good boy, and that he liked me. That's when I felt him touching my arm." Crying softly." He reached over and- and he pulled up my shirt. He saw the bruises on my stomach. They were from my Dad."**

**"We separated last month."**

**"He said he wanted to make me feel better, but I didn't like it. I asked him to stop…"Sobbing. "why didn't he stop?"**

**Long silence." Sean, this is very, very important, so listen carefully."**

**"Y-yeah?"**

**"Did you tell Father Black about what had been going on?"**

**"Yes."**

_"That's how you choose them, isn't it? You find the defenseless boy that already-"_

_"No! I would never do that to a child!"_

_"That's not what Father Black thought after he talked to Sean." Silence." He was going to write to the Diocese, wasn't he?"_

_"No."_

_"So when we search the church, there isn't going to be anything implying-"_

_"You can't do that!"_

_"Oh, but we can. You aren't very good at this, are you Mr. Michaels? I bet the gun is still there, isn't it? I bet you even kept the letter that was going to ruin your career."_

**"Yeah, Sean?"**

**"Did Father Black die because of me?"**

**"No, Sean. This is not your fault. You did the right thing telling Father Black everything. Father Michaels, he's sick. He felt that he had to cover it up, even if it meant-No, don't blame yourself for this. You probably saved a bunch of kids from going through what you did. Do you understand?"**

**"Yes." **

_"Yes, I did it, but if I was guilty of anything before I killed that bastard, it was that I loved-"_

_"Oh, don't give me that! Then why did he run to Father Black the first chance he had? He was getting beaten at home, and you made the time away from it just as unbearable! Don't you DARE try and justify the pain you have caused for this boy!_

**"Why did this have to happen?"**

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The gun that killed Father Black was fond at the church. Michaels was arrested for first degree murder and one count of child abuse. Mike gave Sean's parents the number for victims' services and left to fill out what seemed to be endless paperwork.

"Are you going to be O.K., Mike?" Caroline asked as they left for the day.

"Yeah, I'll be alright," Mike said tonelessly." I'm just a little tired. I'll see you on Monday, then?"

"Yeah, sure, bye." She walked off to her car.

Mike made his way to his apartment. As he closed the door to his apartment he leaned against it and slid to the floor. The memories were flooding back to him so fast that there was no way he could stop them.

He was twelve years old and Krolinsky was lying next to him on the couch that was in his office. He didn't want to be there, but he couldn't say no, not when he knew his mother would kill him if she knew he had disobeyed. The priest reaches over and touches him, and he's starting to feel sick, but he can't move. He almost starts to cry when he feels the hand moving up his shirt-

And now as he sits in his apartment, he is crying. The tears seem to come to his eyes the more he fights them back. "He's just a kid!"he screamed silently."How could you?"

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A/N: This was a very difficult chapter for me to write. I hope I didn't freak out too many people. Bobby and Mike are going to have a serious heart to heart next chapter. Mike just needs some space right now. Feedback is kind of important right now, as I am kind of stuck between two directions for this story. Thanks.


	7. A Little Comfort

A/N: Alright, so the little for a recap to the people who could not read the last chapter, we have a confession. Sean is now going through therapy, and Mike is a total wreck. He was slouched against the door of his apartment crying his eyes out as the chapter closed. And now, Bobby and Mike are going to have another heart to heart.  
Disclaimer: The song is Portishead's Wandering Stars. I usually don't like song fics, but this one seemed appropriate, so there you are.

Mike sat on his couch staring blankly at the wall with a not-so-small glass of scotch clutched firmly in his hand. An onlooker would think that he was afraid the drink would disappear if he put it down. It had been three days since Michaels had confessed to molesting Sean and Killing Father Black, but he still felt the same sickening feeling in his gut as if it happened ten minutes ago. A song from a radio could be heard through his window.

Please could you stay awhile to share my grief  
For its such a lovely day  
To have to always feel this way  
And the time that I will suffer less  
Is when I never have to wake

Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved  
The blackness of darkness forever  
Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved  
The blackness of darkness forever

... Those who have seen the needles eye, now tread  
Like a husk, from which all that was, now has fled  
And the masks, that the monsters wear  
To feed, upon their prey

"Yeah," Mike thought to himself bitterly."They can be so convincing, too. You never would have thought what's behind those smiles until…"

Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved  
The blackness of darkness forever  
Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved  
The blackness of darkness forever

(always) doubled up inside  
Take awhile to shed my grief  
(always) doubled up inside  
Taunted, cruel... ...

He couldn't take it anymore. He strode over to the window and slammed it shut. "Get a hold of yourself," he muttered aloud. He felt stupid to be feeling this weak over a random song. He was drained, and there was no one he could really confide in.

He thought about calling Bobby, but how was he supposed to explain to him what he was feeling? No, he couldn't do that. Besides, he still wasn't sure how he felt about the other detective in the first place. When he had first met Bobby, he was pissed at him. Who was he to imply anything about his girlfriend? He didn't know a thing about her. Then after he got to know him and get past the ticks, quirks and the fifty other strange qualities that made up Bobby Goren, he realized he was a pretty good guy.

The other thing was that Bobby was genuinely concerned with how Mike was doing. When he had left from work three days earlier, Bobby walked him to his car and asked him if he was going to be alright. Mike had managed to say something on the lines of yes, and Bobby reached over and touched his shoulder softly before walking away. It was a small, brief touch, but he felt it all the same, as if the hand stayed there for a full minute…and it felt good.

"So, what the hell does that mean, Logan?" a voice in his head asked.

"I don't know," he whispered out loud."I just don't know."

"I think you know, Mikey. Why don't you deal with it, already? You wish he were here right now."

"No, no this isn't right," he muttered aloud. "I've never felt like that for a guy."

The voice refused to shut up. "So Max, Lennie, those waiters down the street, they're what, glitches?"

"This is fucking ridiculous," he said in a slightly louder voice. "I'm arguing with myself."

"And you're losing, too," the voice in his head laughed.

Before he had the chance to go off at the inner voice, there was a knock on his door. Thankful he had something else to occupy his mind, he went to open it. It was Bobby.

"Hey, I was just wondering how you were holing up," he said.

"Oh, thanks, come in. You want a beer?"

"Yeah, thanks."

The first thing that Bobby noticed was that Mike had obviously been drinking more. This worried him more than he already was. It wasn't like Mike to be this broody and quiet. It certainly wasn't like him to be this reclusive. He had a reputation as being quite….social, and it looked as if he hardly left his apartment at all except for work and to get groceries. He didn't want to say anything, but then he saw the dark circles under his friend's eyes as he accepted the beer. He clearly had not been sleeping well at all.

"Mike, I'm starting to get a little worried about you."

"Look, I'm fine, really. It's just been a little tough the last couple days."

"Are you sleeping alright?"

Mike grimaced slightly."I had a couple nightmares," he admitted. "It's just that there are things that I'd rather not like to think about, and the case…" his voice trailed off, and he cringed at his own weakness.

"It's O.K., Mike," Bobby said quietly. He reached his hand out and touched Mike's arm gently. He was pleased when the other man leaned into the touch ever so slightly.

Mike sighed at the pressure on his arm. It felt good."I have these dreams where I'll be talking to people I trust, and then all of a sudden, I'm with _him._" He spat out the last word as if it were a curse. "In some of the dreams the people I know are doing things."

Bobby's look of concern deepened even more with this statement. Spur of the moment he walked to Mike and pulled him in a warm embrace. He felt Mike squirm slightly at the sudden contact, but then he felt him slowly in his arms. He wanted nothing more than to take all of Mike's pain into himself so he knew that he could have some peace. He felt something for him he was sure he could never have, but that didn't stop him from placing a soft kiss on Mike's temple.

Mike tensed against Bobby and looked into his eyes. Had he just imagined that? No, it had happened. And as he looked into the warmest pair of brown eyes he had ever seen, he found that he wouldn't mind if it happened again, because he knew that Bobby really cared about him, and wanted him for who he was. He communicated this in the only way he could think of. He kissed Bobby on the mouth.

As he pulled back from the kiss, Bobby looked at him stunned. "Mike, are you sure about this?"

"Yes, I am."

They held each other for another moment before kissing again this time less gently, and Mike ignored the smug voice in the back of his mind, saying "I told you so."

A/N: Oh, but I am a bastard. What do you want me to do, audience? Do you want to know what happens next? I'll let you decide.


	8. The First Night

A/N: OK, here we have a :gasp: sex scene! If this is too weird for you the ending of the scene is clearly marked, and you can just go ahead and skip that part. For those of you who will be reading it, enjoy.

The kiss deepened as Bobby wrapped his arms around Mike's waist caressing him slowly through the fabric of his pants. Mike sighed and ran his hands down his friend's (or lover's?) back. He hesitated for a brief moment when he felt Bobby's tongue tracing his lower lip before opening his mouth allowing entrance. Bobby explored every inch of his mouth with a level of skill that was driving him wild. He had clearly done this before.

Bobby ended the kiss, and Mike groaned lightly at the sudden lack of contact. A split second later, he gasped as Bobby started to kiss his way down his jaw making his way down to his neck. Finding Mike's sensitive pulse point, he began to suck on the spot gently, knowing that leaving a mark would lead to awkward questions at work. Mike felt it all the same and bit his lip. He was worried, if a little irrationally that someone next door might hear him.

Bobby seemed to pick up on the hesitation and pulled back slightly. "Are you sure you're alright with this?"

Mike forced himself to calm down."Yeah. It feels nice." Mike took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he felt Bobby's tongue massage the same spot. "That's really nice."

Bobby chuckled and kissed his way lower to the collar of Mike's shirt. He waited for any signs of protest before slowly unbuttoning it kissing the newly exposed skin as he went along. When he undid the final button, he gently pushed the garment off and let it fall to the ground. Mike's pants soon followed along with his boxers. Mike could feel Bobby's gaze going moving down his entire body, focused and intense. He suddenly felt extremely self conscious, and the level of scrutiny his body was currently under was not helping at all. Did Bobby like what he saw? Was he too fat? Too skinny? Too...small? The fear wedged in his throat abated, however when Bobby spoke.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured it a low voice that made Mike blush a dark red. He slid his hands over Mike's chest down to his stomach and smiled as he felt the abdominal muscles quiver ever so slightly under his touch. Then his hand moved lower until he reached-

"Wait." The hand stopped. Mike took a deep breath. "Aren't you a little over dressed?"

Bobby smiled wickedly at the man before him and quickly removed his shirt and undershirt. Then he took Mike's hand and placed it on his chest. Not sure of what to do, he slowly moved his hand over Bobby's skin. This appeared to be the right move, as Bobby's eyes shut and he leaned into the touch. After of few minutes of getting used to the feeling of Bobby's body, he stopped Mike's hands and stripped off the rest of his clothes. Mike took in the naked man before him for a moment, and that moment, it struck him that he had know idea what he was doing. Before he could say anything, Bobby smiled and opened his arms.

After a moment to figure out what he was supposed to do, Mike stepped into the embrace feeling slightly awkward still. The feeling of their bare chests touching felt amazing, and he sighed. Bobby gave him a moment before capturing his lips in a gentle but demanding kiss. "Bedroom?" he whispered into his ear softly.

"Yes," was the only reply he received. Bobby let himself be led to the bedroom where they spent the rest of the evening.

Mike woke up the next morning feeling better than he had in a long time. "Wow, that was amazing," he thought to himself stretching slightly. Then he noticed that there was something wrong. He reached over blindly to where Bobby was sleeping, and realized that he was the only one in the bed. His stomach dropping, he got out of bed and searched around the small apartment. There was a not on the table.

_Mike,_

_I went to get something for breakfast for us. I won't be long. Make yourself comfortable. Remember we're both off today._

_Bobby_

Mike smiled and laughed at his own panic. Of course Bobby wouldn't leave him like that, not after the night before. "That was one hell of a night," Mike thought to himself with smug satisfaction. He had no idea being with Bobby could be that good. He proved to be gentle and took care of his less experienced partner. It was the best experience he had ever had. He made a mental note to be more prepared for the next time.

"If there is a next time," he thought hopefully. "Alright, Bobby, get back here."

A/N: This has been the first sex scene I have ever written. What do you think?


	9. A Shadow of Doubt

Meanwhile, Bobby stepped out of the grocery store with stuff to make omelets. He was still feeling the afterglow from the night before. He couldn't believe that Mike kissed him like he did, but he was not about to complain about it. He had been worried that the case had damaged him, and now he could be the person to make him feel better. "If I ever see that bastard who hurt him again, "he thought darkly. "he had better pray I'm in a good mood.

That's when he saw him. Krolinsky was standing at on a street corner. Bobby had to go where Krolinsky was to walk to Mike's place, so he grudgingly made his way hoping the disgraced priest wouldn't notice him. Unfortunately, it didn't work out.

"Ah, detective Goren," Krolinsky said."It's a small world, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," Bobby replied hoping the disdain he was feeling didn't show on his face.

"I am going to be moving to Maine and staying with family there. These past events have been too much for me. To think what happened here.."Kriolinsky's face fell slightly. "I am very ashamed that Aaron would do such a thing to that poor boy, and to Father Black; he was a good man. I should have seen the signs. Poor Mike; to think he had to go through this again. Is he alright?"

"He'll be alright," Bobby said pointedly (mentally adding, "No thanks to you.")"I have been making sure that he's alright."

Krolinsky pause for a second and then he asked icily, "And how exactly are you doing that?"

"That really is none of your business," Bobby said in a calm tone. His eyes flashed dangerously.

"You disgusting monster!" Krolinsky spat with contempt. "Do you think I can't tell what you are doing to him? You practically reek of it!"

"He's not a little boy, now is he?" Bobby replied with a harsh laugh.

"No, don't you think he's feeling a little fragile? A little helpless? You saw the perfect opportunity to do what you wanted to do for a while? There, you aren't even denying it! So, how did it feel, _Detective_? How did it feel to have a man too weak to protest at your feet."

"He kissed me," Bobby hissed quietly making sure no one else could hear what he was saying.

"You expect me to believe that he just threw himself in your arms?" Krolinsky asked. "Or did you give him a little shove in the right direction."Bobby looked blank."That's what I thought. Don't think you are any different from me." He stalked off, and Bobby just stood there in shock. He then slowly made his way to Mike's place the conversation hovering over him the entire time."

"Hey, Earth to Bobby," Mike said jokingly as they finished eating breakfast."You've been spaced out since you got here."

"Mike, we need to talk about something," Bobby said quietly.

"Is everything alright?" Mike said with concern.

"Look, I think last night may have been a mistake"

Mike suddenly didn't feel very well. "What are you talking about?" He asked trying not to keep the terror out of his voice.

"It's not that I don't have feelings for you," Bobby said quickly. "it's just that you were drinking, and you- you weren't thinking straight."

"It didn't bother you last night!" Mike was getting angry. What the hell was wrong with this guy? "I wanted last night to happen, or it wouldn't have!"

"You were upset," Bobby said running a hand through his hair. He couldn't look Mike in the eye.

"It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself," Mike said desperately trying to figure out what Bobby was trying to say to him.

"I just think that maybe you should take some time to fire out what you want. I don't want to take advantage of you." It sounded so lame to Bobby's own ears, he would have laughed had the situation had not been so serious.

"You didn't want to take-" Mike was pacing and getting more angry by the minute."I'm not some lost little boy, Bobby. I know what I want, and what I wanted was you." He glared at Bobby now fighting back tears. "If you think I'm so fucking fragile, why don't you just leave?"

"Mike, please," Bobby reached out for Mike's hand, but it was snapped away before he could touch it.

"Get out, now," Mike said in a voice that made Bobby cringe.

"Mike, please, I'm sorry-"

"_Get out, now_!"

With one last sad look, Bobby walked out of the apartment, feeling terrible about what he did. "Maybe it's for the best that you hate me," he thought sadly.

Mike stood there in the middle of the living room, and he found himself, again, not being able to fight back the tears. That's when he heard his phone ring. He pulled himself together as best he could and answered it.

"Mike, are you alright?" Caroline asked.

"No, I'm not," Mike said quietly. "It's just..."

"Talk to me Mike, what's going on?"

Mike took a deep breath and tried to keep his voice steady. "It's about Goren."

A/N: I know what you all are thinking. What kind of sadistic freak am I? Seriously, though, I am going somewhere with this. I'll put up the last chapter soon, probably within the next couple of days. Please don't hate me. All due respect, Majorslashsquad.


	10. You Idiot

A/N: Again, Superfelix, you make a good observation. Isn't that always the way, though? You live in a city with millions of people, and you end up running into the one asshole you never want to see again. This has happened to me a couple of times, and let me tell you, is sucks. I have decided to do two more chapters, because after going over this, it just seemed to make more sense. So here is the second to last chapter.

Bobby sat in his living room that evening staring blankly at his TV. The History Channel was on, but he had no idea what era of time he was staring at, nor did he really care for that matter. Mike was the only thing on his mind right then, and he felt horrible about what had happened. "I shouldn't have touched him," he thought to himself bitterly. "All I did was pick up where that bastard picked up."

After deciding the History Channel was no longer going to be a sufficient distraction, he turned off the TV and started to walk towards his room, hoping some reading would tae his mind off what had happened. That was when he heard a knock at the door.

"Barek, what are you doing here?"

Caroline stood in his doorway smiling in a way that unnerved Bobby ever so slightly. "Oh, I was just in the neighborhood," she said innocently. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Come in, do you want something to drink?"

"No, thanks, I'm alright." They made their way towards the coach. "So, I got a called Mike, this morning, to see how he was doing. He seemed a little upset."

Bobby looked at Caroline worried. "Oh, did he say why?" he asked slowly.

For a brief moment his guest didn't respond. She merely picked up a Smithsonian Magazine that lay on his coffee table. "As a matter of fact," she said quietly as she rolled the magazine in her hand. Then in a flash Bobby felt a sudden flash of pain in the back of his head as said reading material struck him hard.

"OW! I- WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR DEAL?" That really hurt.

"You think you can just sleep with my partner and tell him it was a mistake after all he went through? Mike told me everything. He felt something for you, you know. Last night made it all the more clear to him. But you fucked it up! Who the hell do you think are?"

"Barek, I can explain..."

"No!" She was not going to be stopped."I spent two hours with him today trying to convince him he was going to be alright!"

_EARLIER _

_"Why did you do it? Do you really feel something for this guy?"_

_"No…Yes…Shit, I don't know!" Mike was getting frantic. "He said he loves me, but he's sorry we had sex? Does he think I'm an idiot?"_

_"I'm not sure what he was thinking, but this does seem a little convenient." She was getting angrier by the minute. "He just suddenly feeling guilty about what had happened after you two had sex?"_

_"Yeah, pretty much. He had to have known how hard that was! He knew what that bastard-"He couldn't talk. The thought was too disturbing for words. Could Goren really have used his moment of weakness to get into his bed and nothing else?" He can get into the heads of dangerous suspects, but he couldn't see me right in front of him. He had no idea that I wanted him."_

_"And if he did?" _

_"Then he's a bastard, and I hope he burns!" He broke down barely suppressing the sobs that were escaping his throat. "I thought he was different," he whispered miserably. What the hell am I going to do now?"_

Bobby looked at her with a stunned look and shook his head sadly. "He said all that?" he asked.

"Why did you leave him like that?" Barek asked glaring at Bobby.

Bobby took a deep breath and slowly told her what had happened that morning. She continued to glare at him darkly.

"So you listened to him?" She shook her head sadly. "Bobby, he hates you. He would do anything to make you believe that you are the bad guy, because that would help him think that he did the right thing in the end. He knew what he did to Mike was wrong, so now when he saw that you wanted him, he assumed it was for the same reasons he did. Besides, if Mike didn't want last night to happen, do you think he would have let you come near him?"

Bobby stared down at the floor; he was too ashamed to look up. "What am I going to do now?"

"You may have a chance to make this right, but you need to pull your ass together and get over there now."

"I'll go get changed."

"Good, and for the love of God, don't screw this up."


	11. Making It Right

A/N: OK, this is it, seriously. I hope you enjoyed the ride, and I do pan to do a sequel. Suggestions, comments, feelings in general, and things of that nature are always welcome. Flaming is not, unless you happen to swing that way, in which case I say, "Rock on." Ah, but I digress, so here it is.

When Bobby reached Mike's apartment, he noticed that the lights were on from the outside. After a moment of hesitation he walked rang the bell.

"Who is it?" Bobby flinched at Mike's voice. He had most likely been crying.

"Mike, it's me. We need to talk, please. I think there's something you should-"

He could hear the door click before he could finish his sentence. He quickly made his way to the service elevator. Just as he made it to Mike's room it opened, and he was staring at Bobby with a guarded expression. He studied Bobby slowly before gesturing for him to come in.

To say that Mike looked like hell would have been a gross understatement. His eyes were bloodshot, and his hair was sticking up at odd ends. "Great job, Goren," Bobby thought to himself darkly. He stepped in as fast as he could before Mike could change his mind.

After a minute Mike spoke. "Caroline called me a couple of minutes ago. She told me what you told her." He shook his head, a pained expression forming on his face."Why would you listen to a word that guy said?"

Bobby shifted uncomfortably in one place. "It's hard to explain," he said after a small pause.

Mike's eyes narrowed. "Try me."

"I was afraid."

"What were you afraid of?" Mike was getting more and more lost.

"All I could think about was that I was becoming my father. He was someone that would sleep around with whomever he wanted and never thought about the consequences. "

"So it was just a one night thing?" Bobby could hear the defeat in Mike's voice.

"No, that's not it! It's just that the one time we had sex was the time you were emotionally at your weakest!" Bobby was pacing now. "I should have stopped everything right then and given you space, but I didn't. I'm no better than _Him or Krolinsky_." He spat out the last words as if they were the ugliest words imaginable. He stepped as close to Mike as he dared to and went on. "I have felt things for you for a while now, but I figured you would never feel a thing for me as much as I wanted you to. You aren't just the angry cop that everyone makes you out to be, and I…" He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence. There was silence in the room, and when Bobby looked up at Mike he was surprised to see a small smile forming on his face.

"So that's why you walked out this morning?" he asked. You thought you were picking up where they left off?"

"Y-yes," Bobby said, not quite sure what to make of the situation.

"That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard, and I've listened to John Munch's conspiracy theories." He laughed as a tear escaped out of the corner of his eye.

Bobby stood stunned. Did he hear that right? "Um…Mike?"

Mike walked to Bobby and kissed him softly. The kiss lasted several minutes, and when he stepped back slightly they were both a little breathless. "God, that felt good," he muttered. "You are nothing like you're dad, alright?" His voice got serious again. "If you were, you wouldn't have bothered to come back here, would you?" His face momentarily darkened. "And if you _ever _compare yourself to that sick bastard again, I will be forced to hurt you. Badly."

Bobby found himself smiling despite himself and letting out a sigh of relief. "We are really screwed up, you know that?"

Mike laughed. "Yes, yes we are. But, I have you now." He looked at Bobby a little nervously. "Right?"

Bobby pulled Mike into a warm embrace. "You do," He murmured in his ear. Mike rested his head on Bobby's shoulder and yawned slightly. Bobby smiled. "It is getting late, isn't it?"

Mike smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, what time is it?" He looked at the clock on the wall. It was eleven forty five. "We need to get some sleep." As Bobby went to leave, Mike grabbed his arm. "Could you stay here tonight?"

"Are you sure about this?" Mike nodded slowly. "Alright. Where is your bathroom? I could use a shower."

Mike grinned wickedly and leaned forward. "Could you, now?" he whispered in Bobby's ear. "I think that can be arranged."

Bobby moaned and kissed Mike's neck lightly. This was going to be a fun night.

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"Alright, if we act naturally, no one will know we're late."

"Yeah right, Logan. Eames is going to kill me."

"Damn it! I knew I should have checked the alarm!"

"It's a good thing you're clothes fit me."

"Shut up! Eames is right there."

Alex walked up to them handing Bobby a file. "Here are the tox screens from Rodgers. It looks like-" She looked at Bobby and smiled. "So, that's why you're late."

Bobby looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

Alex leaned forward so only Bobby and Mike could hear her. "Nice tie." She looked over at Mike. "And you might want to cover that up," she said subtly pointing to a suckle mark that was barely visible on his neck.

As Alex walked away, the two men stood in stunned silence.

"Oh, God," Bobby said quietly. "I wonder if you can get skittles in bulk."

Fin

A/N: Hehe…the Tell Tale Tie. (Try saying that ten times fast) Anyway, a sequel is in the works. Suggestions are welcome, and thank you so much for reading.


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